I am sharing my testimony so that our other sisters and perhaps some brothers who are experiencing difficult in laws or even their own parents will find strength through my testimony. I am making it a note so it can be shared and testified so God may be Glorified.
I have a mother in law who is a widow. She is over 70 years of old. Her husband died when Steve (my husband) was 12 years old. Her husband left her with a small grocery store before he had died. He was survived by two sons and his wife. But since she had been a house wife, she was naive when it came to business. Eventually, she was deceived by one of her sister in law. During the time of her husband's death, they were in the middle of a business transaction but she had cancelled the transaction based on the council of her sisters in law. She had thought they were looking out for their interest. This was one of the main reasons why she was so determined to make it in business. But it had become an idol in the end.
When the business sale was cancelled, one of the sister in law grabbed the sale. With two boys and with her current grocery store, she cried out to God for help as she was afraid. She said to me that she used to tell her children, "Let us just die together."
One night, after she had bought her first 25 room motel, while she was crying, she said she clearly heard God’s audible voice, “WHY ARE YOU CRYING? YOU HAVE THE FATHER, SON AND HOLY SPIRIT TO GUIDE YOU!” From that moment, she received strength and her financial blessing began. By the time I got married to Steve back in 2001, she and her sons owned two limited service hotels. Out of the two, they had built one.Within 20 years, she and her sons were owning up to 5 franchise limited service hotel. It was very challenging but the businesses were blessed. But as she gained wealth, she begin to forget God as the main source and comforter. Currently her god is money and business. But we are praying for mercy and for her to return to her First Love.
I still remember the 1st day when I had met her. I was little nervous and excited at the same time. But as I was greeted her, she greeted me back with coldness. When we met that first time, she did not like me. And as we met continuously, meeting the second, third, fourth time and so on, she began to treat me unreasonably. I did not know why at first. But later I found out that I did not fit into her standards. She expected her son’s wife to be “smart”, well educated (like doctor’s degree or business master and so on) and from a rich family or back ground of such. I did not fit any of the above. I was only 23 years old. Nothing had been established in my life. I was an unbeliever when I had met Steve. He was in rebellion at that time. But God called him back when he had met me and God used the circumstances of our lives to bring us together.
At the age 24, we got married and my life had become a living hell. She would come to my house very often and would stayed weeks. While she stayed at our house, my stress level would sky rocket. I would become very frustrated, angry, and resentful. My anger would start to build up. She hated me very much. She would yell, rebuke, and complain of all the things I would do. No matter how hard I tried, she was still very mean to me. I cried so much because of the unfairness. She intentionally would put me down. She treated me like I was nothing. She used to say to me that Steve would divorce me for another woman. She would say that I was not smart enough (I had majored in Art and she thought artists were all dumb). She said that Steve would get tired of me. She said my brain was under developed. She then said my kids were going to be all stupid since I was not smart. She said my kids would take after their mother. She said I was bad luck and she wished I had not married her son. She said I brought bad luck into her household and business. She said I spoke like a whore. She said I dressed trashy. She had loved to put me down. She would even embarrass me in public. Even in front of my parents she was harsh on me and my parents had cried as they witnessed the way I was treated. I say all these things not to put her down but to testify that I had to overcome and love her with a whole heart.
I was so resentful and I had become very angry. The resentment and anger began to affect me mentally. One reasons why I had become mentally unstable was my sensitivity. I would yell, cry, and act bipolar (having extreme up and down emotions). I used to throw things such as the dishes, clothes, and/or the iron. I still remember the hole from throwing the iron into the wall. I used to throw things against the walls and floor. I would scream and cry uncontrollably. I use to destroy Steve’s clothes. I had never done these things when I used to live with my parents even though I had a short temper. My condition became worse each day. Finally, Steve took me to the doctor to get on Prozac (anti depressant). But they found out that I was pregnant and I could not get on medication. I was still not saved at this point in my life
Steve decided to move us far away from his mother. We got out of California and moved to Michigan. Where we had moved in Michigan became our wilderness but that is another story for later. I was still pretty much the same. But before we had moved to Michigan, I had accepted the Lord and received the gift of tongue. Steve witnessed to me for eight months during all the ordeal. Then one day I accepted the Lord. I started attending morning prayer services and that was when I received the gift of tongue. For some reason even as a baby Christian, I was able to hear God at that time.
One day, right before we left for Michigan, a good friend of mine gave me the book called, "Heaven is so real." After I had read it, I was so convicted. God had opened my eyes to His Truth. That was the moment I began to live a Holy life. But the bad years with my mother in law was still in my heart. I still was holding onto the hurts and unforgiveness. I thought I had forgiven her. But I had only forgiven with my head and not my heart. This was true since I did not want to have anything to do with her. I did not want to be in her presence.
After a few years later, during a particular night, I was listening to a worship song titled, “All for love” by Hillsong. With that song, God touched my heart.The song says, “All For love He was crucified…oh how many times have I broken your heart, but still you forgive…for they do not know what they do…”
He then spoke to me with His small voice, “You have not forgiven your mother in law. Do you know how many times I have forgiven your sins? The countless sins of your daily life…I have forgiven you…you are not the only one I had died for. I had also died for your mother in law. I love her as much as I love you. She does not know what she is doing. You must repent for hating and being resentful toward her. You must love her with all your heart and not with your thoughts.”
The Spirit of repentance came all over me and I instantly fell on the floor and repented, I cried for three days. With the Power of the Holy Spirit and as the Spirit flooded my soul, I had deeply repented. God helped me realize how I was not loving her. From then on, I would strive very hard to be nice to her even though she was still the same. God delivered me from all my mental issues with His Fire. The demons that had caused my metal illness were expelled. We don’t need medication for mental illness. The sickness is caused by demons and we need power of God to cast them out!!
After we moved back to California last year, God told us to go stay and work for my mother for awhile at their business. God told us to work for her and my brother in law. This was the last thing I had expected from God. Of course, I did not want to but since God had commanded us, we had to obey. I did not know why at that time but I knew I had to obey Him. If I run, I knew I was instantly out of His will and His blessing and protection would be removed. We even took her to Pastor Kim, Yong Doo revival meetings and it appeared she may have been changing but when she got back to her business, the flesh all came back to her.
Of course, our mother in law began to persecute us (especially with me) and sometimes she would mock at our faith in God. The years in business had made her into a religious Christian who attempted to serve two masters. I continued to forgive her and tried to love her with all my heart but I did not know how to handle her actions. At the beginning, we would almost see each other everyday. I tried to be nice but she would still treat me a bit harshly. Then just recently, I blew up. My flesh came alive and I reacted in the flesh. And this was why God had brought me back in a full circle to her. God wanted to show me that this part of me still had not died. God said, until this part of my flesh dies, He will continue to bring me back to her. He said, it is my choice to be crucified and to represent Him rightly so the lost can be saved through our Godly conduct.
So I asked God to help me. But still, without me even knowing, I began to argue with her and told her how unfair she was. Then I had to go to my room and repent. God said, “Call her on the phone and apology.”
Childishly, I said, “But she started it first and I have done nothing wrong”
And He firmly said, “This is not about who is in the right or wrong, it is about you keeping peace and how you are to represent Me. If you do not die in your flesh, if you do not represent me accordingly and if you do not apologize to your mother in law, you will be working under her until you learn what you need to learn. You must be a peace maker. It does not matter who did what, you have to keep peace so that they may know you belong to Me”
Instantly, I obeyed because I did not want to work and stay here forever. I had to swallow and let my pride die so I could apologize. I had to humble myself to get the strength to apologize. I had to correct the way I had thought of the situation. I was blaming her and I had thought I was the innocent one. I thought I was justified for making my points of argument with her. I thought it was her who had to repent. With some courage, I called her on the phone and I asked for her forgiveness regarding my rudeness. She did not accept my apology. In fact, she tried to start an argument with me. So I politely told her I had to go. However, whether she accepted or not, I had obeyed and done my part.
After apologizing to her, I became so refreshed! I was so happy and my heart was filled with joy! From then on, the Holy Spirit had thickened my skin even more and I was becoming immune to her. It did not matter what she would say or do, it was no longer bothering me as it had before. Now, I laugh at the devil. Even though, she would curse at us, I still hold my peace as my spirit sings in joy.
I still pray for her salvation. I still ask God for mercy on her. When we ask God to break and humble us, He will help us achieve it. Our flesh does not want to admit we are in the wrong and it takes humility to keep our mouths shut and not escalate it. When we think it is always the other person's fault, it is the same sin as in the days of Adam and Eve when they first partook the fruit of death from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. When God asked if Adam had eaten the forbidden fruit, Adam blamed Eve and Eve blamed the serpent.
We must make the choice and be willing out of our free will to be broken and humbled by God. We must give that choice to God so He can work on us. It is the same with the devil, if we harden our hearts and seize resentment, bitterness, and/or pride, we are giving the devil the legal right to work on us.
Just recently, my test had finished with my mother in law. Now I am truly set free from such strong holds.You must remind yourself that God loves your in laws just as He loves you. He had died for them as well. Remind yourself since God has forgiven you countless times for your sins, we must forgive those who sin against us. We must love, forgive, and pray for them. It is very difficult if you attempt to correct out of your strength. We must ask God to help us. We must ask everyday until He sets us free. Ask and you will receive scripture says. It basically means, ask until you receive.
I want you to ask God to give you a heart to love and forgive your in laws or your family members. Ask for a spirit of repentance to repent of YOUR actions against them. There is no justification to act in kind if they act fleshy toward you. You can only achieve this type of spiritual breakthrough with His Heart. It can only come from the Father. It is time to stop looking at what they say or do. It is time to stop looking at their faults. Please remember, they may not know what they are doing. Keep your eyes on God and ask Him to give you the strength to overcome. God told me that the devil knows our weak points and he knows how to get to the sensitive raw area of our hurts. The devil knows how to use the in laws or family members to attack us. The devil knows all the ways to irritate us.
If you do not OVERCOME, God will continue to send you back until you do overcome. The children of the Most High are not meant to run from our challenges but to Overcome. When we overcome, we will bear fruit that will lead our in laws, family, and friends to the Lord for salvation. Will you sacrifice your life for them as the Lord had sacrificed for you? Is your pride more important than their salvation? Remember, the Lord had to be put to shame so we would have Life. Are you willing to go lower and lower even being put to shame so those who are persecuting you will one day have their eyes open through your perseverance so they may be saved? If you are in such circumstances, know the Lord has allowed it for He has given you the responsibility to lose your life so they may be saved.
For any who are experiencing such difficulties, I fully understand your situation and know how you feel. But do not give up and lose yourself in the flesh or world, God will help you overcome with His Strength as you ask for help. But you must persevere until the end.
Matthew 18:21-22(AMP)Then Peter came up to Him and said, Lord, how many times may my brother sin against me and I forgive him and [a]let it go? [As many as] up to seven times? 22Jesus answered him, I tell you, not up to seven times, but seventy times seven!
Mark 11:26 But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your failings and shortcomings.
We love you and I give all the glory to our King!! Fire of God!!
Yoojin Kim
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