Saturday, June 11, 2016
By the grace and mercy of God, I have birthed a testimony of victory relating to my former religious and difficult husband, my difficult mother in law, my father, difficult people and even myself. However, this testimony is focused only on my victory over my former difficult husband.
In 2005, our whole family had moved to Michigan. The name of the town was Sault Sainte Marie. We had moved for a business. We had bought a 130 room, conference center, restaurant bar hotel. Moreover, one core reason we moved was to get away from my mother in law. She was interfering in our marriage. She wanted and spoke about us divorcing with other nonsense issues (testimony with my mother in law is another long story). The ethnic group in this town consisted mostly of Native Indians, mixed Natives, and Caucasians. We were pretty much the only Koreans in a town with a population of 15,000. There were a few Chinese who ran the Chinese restaurant.
But many of locals were under the influence of alcohol, cigarette, gambling, sexual immorality and other major problems. Many families were divorced and as a result, the children were left with single parents. This town was heavily seized/controlled by the forces of the many different kind of evil spirits which, of course the people of this town had no ability to recognize. This town was surrounded by many trees and few large lakes. We had moved to the countryside. We were on the borderline with Canada. In the winter, the average temperature was five degrees.
There were some churches but there was no churches/pastors whom I was able to receive answers for my ongoing difficulties, personal problems, spiritual problems, and much more. Our hotel business was going down real fast as the general economy was bad. We were losing a lot of money. Therefore, my husband had become depressed (who is now Pastor Steve), and he began drinking every night. He was also a smoker. He was verbally violent and abusive towards me especially whenever he was drunk. Whenever he drank, he yelled and screamed at me with the S** word, B****word, F*** word and the many other names you can think of. There was no conviction in his heart whatsoever. He would speak nicely to everyone else but me. He would converse hours with others but me. He often looked down on me. He talked down on me. My self esteem went very low. I felt like I was only a housekeeper and a babysitter in my household, nothing more and nothing less in my household. I did not feel like that I was desirable by my husband as a woman. I felt like I was left alone helplessly and hopelessly. I felt as though I was all alone.
In the midst of all the difficulties, I did not know where to look for a help. It was not like California where I would be able to go, find, and try out many different churches to find the “ right church” and be strengthened. It was not like I was able to hang out with friends and vent out for hours. It was not like I would be able to just go out to the nice places and get myself some fresh air, or drive around to get the stress out. It was not a place or time I was able to treat myself with good food at a nice restaurant if I decided to do so, or go to a nice shopping mall and browse around and so on. I was totally trapped in a small countryside town. It was nothing like California. I was a stranger in this town. I did not know anyone in this town. There were no friends or family members. I could not experience any proper fellowship with anyone in this town.
I thought to myself why all these things were occurring in my life. Although I was a baby Christian, one thing I was very sure of was that our God was a good God who loves us very much. Therefore, I was very curious why all these “bad” things were happening to me if He was a good God. Then the Lord whispered in a gentle way with tremendous peace.
“This is not a bad situation. Actually it is a good situation. Trust Me.”
When I heard this, I just knew that I had to believe that it was a good situation. I actually told my husband about this revelation but he refused to listen or tried to understand. He only cried out to God, “God why is this happening to me! I don’t understand!” My heart ached.
Since there was no spiritual pastors whom I was able to counsel with in this town, I began surfing the internet to find something...or someone. I was desperate. God led me to this one pastor from the Los Angeles area. He became my pastor, mentor, and spiritual father whom God utilized to guide me one small step at a time. God began to teach me through the pastor regarding spiritual things and how to spiritually fight as I lived in a physical realm.
Pastor Michael Park was his name. He is now my ex-mentor. First thing he ( as an ambassador/voice of God) told and taught me was not to focus on my huband and not to even worry about his difficult and miserable condition. Whether my husband’s condition becomes better or worse, he said, do not look or focus on it. He said that I have to completely focus on God and Him only.
The Pastor said, “just let him be since there are spiritual forces working behind my husband.” Therefore, pastor said that I needed to know what was influencing my husband instead of looking at his miserable condition. The Pastor advised me not to engage into a fight or argument with my husband in any situation even when he attacks me in any form. The Pastor said that this is a spiritual warfare not a physical warfare and therefore, he said that I had to battle and tackle it spiritually. The Pastor told me to begin praying, worship and praise, and read the Word of God daily. He further advised me to pray over my husband when he went to sleep. But not only praying over him but I needed to perform deliverance on him which is to cast out the demons in the name of Jesus and with the blood of Jesus. The Pastor wanted me to anoint the whole house with prayer and an anointing oil. I completely followed his instruction without leaving anything out. I obeyed him as though I was obeying God. God was utilizing him to guide me.
Every single night, I’ve had never stopped praying, worshipping and praising, and reading the Word of God. I prayed with much tears. I cried out to the Lord with all my heart. I was spiritually fighting without ceasing. Whenever my husband tried to fight with me as he yelled and screamed and called me B*tch, I quietly went into the room and closed the door. On my knees, I began to pray in tears. I was utilizing God’s way of fighting against the dark forces working behind my husband and the forces that was fighting against my family and my life.
The dark forces tried to knock me down. They had tried to depress, discourage, and tried to make me give up. I fought each day. It was a life and death battle for me. My whole family’s salvation, happiness, and a blessed life was all depending on my decision and choice. God had entrusted it to me. I could not possibly pass a day without praying, praising and reading.
One day, as I was reading the bible, God had seized my hand and began flipping the bible pages. I was a baby christian who was reading the bible without fully understanding the depth of it. So the Lord utilized my finger and flipped the pages of the bible and stopped at the book of Jeremiah 33. Then he placed my finger on verse 3.
‘Call to Me and I will answer you, and tell you [and even show you] great and mighty things, [things which have been confined and hidden], which you do not know and understand and cannot distinguish.’
Even though I did not fully understand, I knew this meant that I had too…. I needed to pray. I became more persistent with prayer and reading. No one taught me how to pray but I just prayed but because I did possess the gift of tongue, it helped me greatly.
Then the Lord said, “Do not look at your husband’s current condition, otherwise you will be deceived by the enemy. What you see now is not what he is going to be in the future. Believe in your heart with all your mind that he WILL BE CHANGED. You must focus on Me. Do not worry about your husband. Look beyond what you cannot see right now and proclaim that your husband will be changed serving Me. I want you to keep on believing and proclaiming it!”
Hebrews 11:1-2 Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see. 2 Through their faith, the people in days of old earned a good reputation.
So I did. I obeyed and believed His promise. After a couple of years had passed, we thought we finally had a buyer to buy our hotel business. God had led us to believe that we would sale and because we fully believed that this hotel was going to be sold, my husband had sent me back to California. I went to my mother’s house temporarily. My husband’s plan was to complete the process of the sale and come back to California with a good amount of money. At that time, I had three little children in which two were toddlers and a baby. Because my husband did not send us enough money for the four of us, we were struggling financially. Money was always short. My three children could not have any toys, snacks, extra clothes, and so on. My sister sometimes bought little toys for my children here and there but that was about it. I literally had only two pairs of outfits for Sunday church service. I basically had wore the same two outfits rotating every other week. My children had limited winter clothes. My son, who was only about one year old at that time had one or two long sleeve tops for the winter time. I had to experience watching my children looking at the other children eating good food, having nice children’s snacks, going to nice or fun places and having fun toys. These things were too fancy for me and beyond my finances for my children to enjoy. All they ate was most of times was a bowl of rice and some soup.
God had tested me with money. God impressed my heart that all tithes belong to Him. When I was impressed, I did not resist at all. I faithfully gave tithe even though I was always short. On top of that, I also gave offerings to God. I had a choice to make. With the little tithe and offering, I could have bought some extra good food, toys, clothes or go to fun places for my children but I had decided to put God first. My children was secondary. Everything in my life was secondary. God was my everything and foremost. When it comes to giving to God, I had never hesitated. I had attended church services three times a week. I was thirsty and desperate. I was determined. Each awakening moment, besides taking care of my children, I spent all my other precious time seeking God’s face. When my son David was only about one and a half years old, he was rebuked by my friend who also had a son. The reason was that David touched her son’s favorite train set. This train set was big enough in which a kid could ride. I could not afford to buy such a toy, and my heart ached watching my son wanting to play with it.
Finally, when the hotel could not be sold, my husband told me to come back to Michigan. But the Lord impressed my heart, “Not now.” So I told my husband I had to wait for a few more months. He got really mad at me. Then about January 2008, God impressed my heart that I can go back around April time. I waited, and when God’s timing came, I contacted my husband that I will come back. When we met again, my husband told me that he had never loved me. He was preparing to divorce me. He indirectly confessed that he found a lover of his life. I excused myself and went outside. I cried out to God,
“I don’t understand! What about all that years of prayer and enduring excruciating pain? Were all those in vain? I don’t understand God!”
Then the Lord gently spoke in my heart.
In that moment, overwhelming peace came upon me. In fact, He placed boldness and courage inside of my heart. I stopped crying. I went back to the room and I told my husband,
“I will be ok. If you have found a lover of your life and if you have decided, I will not stop you. I want you to have a good enjoyable life with her. I will take the children instead. I have God on my side and I am confident that He will provide and protect the children and I. I will work hard and live my life for God.”
In that moment, my husband looked at me weird. Then God began to turn his heart. He did not want to divorce me any more. It was my test, God had tested me through my husband’s threatening statements. But because I had trusted God, He changed his heart.
Not long after I have returned to sault sainte Marie and back into the old hotel room, God told me, “Your husband has cheated on you.”
I could not believe at first but I asked him if he did. At first, he denied it. I knew he had found someone, but I did not think he would already be sleeping around with her when we were still together. As I was very persistent, he finally confessed. He had slept with the sales lady at our hotel. I felt so betrayed and all that years of praying as I endured many excruciating pain…
In our whole marriage, my husband had never bought me a birthday gift but I found out that he had bought a nice blouse for that girl. My husband had never took me out to a nice restaurant but I found out that he had took her out to a nice restaurant just to celebrate her birthday...and this happened when I was struggling in California. Full of hurt again, I cried out to God and said that I want to divorce. But God said,
“You have only one option. Forgive him”
I understood the forgiveness of Christ, I understood that He had also forgiven me. Therefore, I knew I had to try to forgive him. I cried out to God day and night, basically each day for two weeks. Until the pain went away and my heart forgave him, I did not stop praying. I prayed many days in tears. I was on my belly on the floor next to my bed. I was determined not to get up until this issue in my heart was taken care of. God also wanted me to forgive the girl whom my husband had cheated with. I called her and I gently told her that I have forgiven her.
The years of my trials did not stop there. My husband being very religious with full of the bible knowledge fought against my belief in God. He believed once saved always saved. He was still a smoker and a drinker. He did not say foul words or names to me any longer, but he was still harsh. I was still praying every day as I dealt with his anger and his wrong spiritual belief. God was crushing and breaking me through my husband.
Then one day only after a short time from the ordeal of my husband cheating on me, my ex mentor in LA called me and sent me some books, titled, “Baptized by blazing Fire” by Pastor Yong Doo Kim. The Pastor said that God had entrusted this translating job to me. The books were all in Korean language. I had refused at first for my English grammar was really bad. But pastor was very persistent. So I asked my husband to help me out with the translation from Korean to English. We began translating together. But because he was not spiritual but religious, he began to pick a fight with me regarding the books. He was having a hard time believing what was written in the books and therefore, he was getting mad. When the first book was almost all translated, my husband decided to stop translating (book 1) due to his unbelief.
I told him, “I need to finish translating all six books because God had entrusted it to me. I rather divorce you for His work. I will find someone else to finishing the translation”
When I was firm with my determination, it made my husband think. So he asked God,
“What is your truth God? I am believing this way but my wife believes differently. I want to know your truth. Put me in an agreement with You”
God led him to ask such a question because God wanted to answer my long enduring faithful prayer. The prayer to change my husband. When My husband received his answer from God and when God began to show my husband His truth, he began to change dramatically. God had finally answered the prayers to my aching heart and enduring prayer.
After God moved us out from Sault Sainte Marie, MI, we came back to California. God had placed us under my husband's mother and his younger brother. We were placed in a motel room once again. This part will be another 6 years of staying in this motel room, which was another level of our wilderness. I will testify this part later.
What I wrote here is only about 70 percent of what I went through. Let God be glorified.
Hebrews 10:26-39 Do not, therefore, fling away your [fearless] confidence, for it has a glorious and great reward. 36 For you have need of patient endurance [to bear up under difficult circumstances without compromising], so that when you have carried out the will of God, you may receive and enjoy to the full what is promised.
37 For yet in a very little while, He who is coming will come, and will not delay. 38 But My righteous one [the one justified by faith] shall live by faith [respecting man’s relationship to God and trusting Him]; And if he draws back [shrinking in fear], My soul has no delight in him.
39 But our way is not that of those who shrink back to destruction, but [we are] of those who believe [relying on God through faith in Jesus Christ, the Messiah] and by this confident faith preserve the soul.
Wife of Pastor Steve Kim
Fire of God Church
Please subscribe to Fire of God Church Youtube Channel and join us each Sunday at 2 PM Pacific Time for Service with Fire of God Church Pastor Steve Kim.
When we join Pastor Kim Yong Doo for Revivals, we are streaming LIVE. We are streaming LIVE for Minnesota Revivals June 2016.
June 11, 2016, we will start to stream 9 PM Central Time
When we join Pastor Kim Yong Doo for Revivals, we are streaming LIVE. We are streaming LIVE for Minnesota Revivals June 2016.
June 11, 2016, we will start to stream 9 PM Central Time
Wednesday, June 1, 2016
“Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.”
1 John 4:18 NLT
Scripture says if we are afraid whether in general fear of anything or of punishment, it shows we have not fully experienced God's perfect love. When we abide in perfect love, there is no fear of any kind for such love cast out all fear. The perfect love of God transcends and overwhelms all worries and fear. How can we experience God's perfect Love? We know God loves us but how can we experience His perfect love? We know God loves us because the bible tells us so. We know God loves us in theory but how can we experience His Love in practical life? We must practice His Love to achieve the experience of His perfect Love.
The bible says we must live in the Love of God and as we live in Him our love will grow perfect. How do we live in Him? We live in Him as we follow His commandments. To follow His commandments shows and proves we love Him. The perfect love of God grows to perfection. It is not a one time event or a one time granting in the ability to love in perfection. Our relationship with God is a union and a communion.
How does His Perfect Love come to full completion expressed in us? When it is fully expressed in us, then His Love is perfected and we no longer walk in any fear. His Perfect Love comes to completion as we practice or exercise loving one another.
“No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.”
1 John 4:12 NLT
In the same chapter of 1 John 4, scriptures attempts to illustrate to the reader how God loves us. While we were still sinners HE sent His Son to die for us. God had paid the highest price of all creation and the heavens. We are to love one another in such a way. We are not loving each other because we are being loved by them. True love sets no condition. True love sacrifices at their own cost. God did not send His Son to die for us because we had loved God first. In fact, we were still enemies to God and sinning as He had sent His only Son.
“Beloved, if God loved us so [very much], we also ought to love one another.”
1 John 4:11 AMP
We can say "I love you" with words all day long but that in itself will not have the love of God perfected in us. We must love with our actions. We must love as it will cost us time, money, resources, energy, serving, and etc even though the recipient may not love us or have the ability to love back. As we practice loving one another which may cost us something dearly, God's love will become perfected in us. Attaining perfect love will require much sacrifice whether in resources or of ourselves. As we practice God's love, we will learn and experience His faithfulness in our personal lives thus casting out all fear.