When we don’t want to be hurt, we usually run away from the source of the pain. We do everything to suppress or hide the pain. Oftentimes we put a thick covering in our hearts to be able to protect ourselves from being hurt.
I also found myself running and I had put a cover in some part of my heart. I thought to myself that it is okay. But during my prayer, Daddy God asked me, “Child, why do you cover your heart?” I honestly answered Him, “Because I don’t want to be hurt.” I cried for a while. Daddy God said that He wants me to experience and feel the pain. I don’t understand why He wants me to be hurt. I don’t understand why I need to be hurt. There are many things that I don’t understand about Him. But I know that His ways and thoughts are higher than ours and all His ways are for our own good.
I asked Him, “Why Daddy? Why do I need to feel this pain? Why do I need to be hurt over and over again?” Then He said that He does not want a heart that is hard and numb. He said that He wants me to completely open my heart so He will be able to circumcise it.
He told me that my heart before was covered by a shield. That shield keeps me from all pain and hurts. That shield keeps my heart numb and selfish and hard. When I have known Him, He opens my heart and made me experience what it feels like to be hurtful of my own sins and sins of others, to feel the pain of others, and to feel the pain of longing after Him.
Daddy God said that if He will not continuously circumcise my heart, it will someday become hard and numb and selfish again. A hard, numb and selfish heart does not know how to love others. A hard, numb and selfish heart seeks its own comfort and happiness. A hard, numb and selfish heart is deaf in hearing God’s voice.
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-6
After knowing the reason why, I have asked Daddy to give me a brave heart so I may be able to endure every pain and suffering. I told Him that I don’t want to cover my heart anymore. I don’t want a hard, numb and selfish heart. I’ve asked Him to make me brave and strong as a lion but gentle and meek like a lamb.
Daddy God wants us to be lambs just like Jesus. When Jesus suffered on the cross, it was the most painful experience but He willingly suffers and gave His life for us.
As a Christian, I have learned that we shouldn’t be surprised if we are experiencing sufferings and pain. All true Christians do not really have a happy, joyous living. It is because the path that Christians follow is full of suffering, pain and of bearing our own crosses. But we must endure until the end. Someday, there will be no pain, no crying, no suffering anymore.
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Matthew 5:4
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." Revelation 21:4
Are we willing to suffer the pain even with or without comfort from God? Are we willing to allow Him to circumcise our hearts no matter how painful it is?
“Circumcise yourselves to the LORD; remove the foreskin of your hearts, O men of Judah and inhabitants of Jerusalem; lest my wrath go forth like fire, and burn with none to quench it, because of the evil of your deeds." Jeremiah 4:4
“And the LORD your God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your offspring, so that you will love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, that you may live.” Deuteronomy 30:6
"But he is a Jew, which is one inwardly; and circumcision is that of the heart, in the spirit, and not in the letter; whose praise is not of men, but of God." Romans 2:29
Lord, I am sorry for covering my heart. I am sorry for being selfish and for always seeking for comfort. Give me a brave heart Lord. Give me a brave heart to follow Your commands and to continue to walk at the narrow path no matter how hard it is. I willingly give my heart LORD. Circumcise my heart so I may be able to love You with all my heart and soul forever. Amen.
ALL GLORY TO GOD!
-Daddy’s girl
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